Moses Was A Wuss & Potential Viral Sensation
Wait, can I say wuss? I’m always a little iffy on which words are safe. Is pansy offensive to flowers? I mean, I could go old-school with scaredy cat, but I don’t think that phrase is so old-school it’s ironically new school, yet. How about you just insert your own acceptable word for someone who is terrified of everything and screams like a little school girl? That’s not to be offensive to little school girls, who may in fact not be stereotypically scared of things. Is it just me, or are headlines hard to write?
Whatever word you choose, Moses was that. I never thought of Moses as being scared. I always saw him with a sweet beard, wearing a red robe (always a red robe) carrying a stick and cursing the Earth-conquering Apes in front of a collapsed Statue of Liberty. As it turns out, I’ve really got to stop getting my theology and biblical information from Hollywood.
In Exodus 3, Moses is nonchalantly walking his father-in-law’s sheep through the woods, when he sees a bush on fire. Kind of weird, but crazy things happen in the woods. It’s no big deal, except this bush doesn’t burn up. Moses goes to investigate. If this was a horror movie, Moses would be killed for being the stupid person who “goes to investigate.” Thankfully, this is the Bible and, instead, Moses meets God.
Moses seems oddly cool with the idea of chatting with God through a burning bush. I’m not sure if this happened a lot to Moses, but he just carries on a conversation as if nothing major was happening. He listens to God identify Himself, answer questions, and give him a task. Not recognizing that he is talking to a flaming bush, Moses asks God for a sign. The flaming, talking shrub isn’t enough?
God goes all Socrates and responds by asking a question, but I suppose it would have been Socrates going all God, since God did it first. He asks Moses, “What are you carrying in your hand?” Moses shows God his sweet walking stick, and God tells him to throw it on the ground. When it hits the ground, the staff turns into a snake. Impressive, but again, Moses is talking to God in the form of a burning bush. God being God, however, knew exactly what would get Moses’ attention – apparently, it was snakes.
After Moses threw it on the ground, he ran from it. Seriously, read Exodus 4:3. It’s not just in the NIV. It says it in the ESV and KJV, so we’re cool. Moses saw the snake, and he ran. It’s a good thing nobody had cell phone cameras back then. Could you imagine Moses’ wife Zipporah uploading a video of his freak out to YouTube? And Pharaoh posting that to his Twitter?
PhayRizzyII: @EgyptianPeeps Check out this crazy vid of Moses running scared. Let my people go, huh? How about I let some snakes go instead? #Wuss
Thankfully, Moses’ snake phobia did not go viral. Obviously, he went on to be used greatly by the God who revealed Himself in the flaming shrub. Moses was ready the next time the stick went all Transformer on him. His snake ate the Egyptian stick snakes. Notice, though, there may have been plagues of frogs, flies and locust, but God didn’t send snakes all through the land. Moses would have run to the Promised Land by himself.
What other biblical moments would have blown up social media?
(For more great stuff from Aaron, check out his blog, TheWardrobeDoor.)