Thinking about going to church for the first time?
Awesome. There’s a lot you need to know.
Like, there’s a secret bathroom.
You might get a gospel gift bag.
Nobody interlinks digits when a minister asks everyone to hold hands.
Stuff like that.
But there’s something else I need to let you know about before you visit, because nobody really talks about this. It’s a secret.
Here it is:
The longest church service is the one at the end of the day.
I don’t care where you go to church, this is true. If your church has a 9:00, 10:30 and 12:00 service, the 12:00 will be the longest.
An 8:00 and 11:00? The 11:00 is going to be longest.
Why? There’s no deadline. In the first service, the minister had to be careful about time because of the pressure from the second service. There was at least a rough cut off to the message. Trust me, I speak in churches sometimes and they tell you things like:
“In the first service, you’ve got 22 minutes to speak. We’ve got deacons with air horns that will blow an alarm if you go over. We also have a small jungle cat, won’t tell you what kind, that we release from the baptismal if you go over. First service is 22 minutes. Got it? We clear? Good. Last service? Preach for 4 hours if the spirit moves you.”
Extra Bible verses? Check.
4 sermon illustrations instead of 3? Check.
Removal of coat and watch? Check
You better buckle up, my friend. It’s going to be a long one if you attend the last service of the day.
Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
Am I wrong? Is it different at your church?