Bacon: God’s Other Gift
Let me just say this: I’m a meat kind of guy. There’s just something about a hearty steak, pork chop, or barbecue sauce-slathered ribs that equates to sheer euphoria. But there’s one meat in particular that beats out all other meats and foods and completely closes the argument about the existence of God. That meat, friends, is bacon.
Bacon is amazing. No, it can’t file your taxes, but that’s okay. Bacon is probably the one food that can go with any other food AND make it better. Bacon alone is phenomenal. Throw it in some grits (that’s good make-you-want-to-holler-Jesus Southern food), and you’ve got a party. Throw some bacon bits on a salad, and you’ve got a way to make any carnivore eat a green vegetable (see, it can work miracles, too). One fast food place even had a dessert item called the Bacon Sundae.
A food that good could have only come from the table of the Most High himself. Here’s how I picture the first creation of bacon:
God is sitting on His throne when he calls a few of his angels over to him.
Angels – “Yes, how may we serve, You?”
God – “I have given my children much to be thankful for, have I not?”
Angel #1 – “Surely! You have given them the Earth and all the creatures in it. You gave them the gift of sex which, I might add, they’re still reeling over, and of course you sent them your Son to atone for their sins.”
God – “Yes…but I wish to give them something else…especially for the single ones…something to tie them over until marriage.”
God makes a plate of bacon appear.
God – “Try this.”
Angel #2 – “MMMMM!”
Angel #3 -“OH, MY GOODNESS!”
Angel #1 – “They’re going to love this!”
God – “Yes…how well I know.”
Okay, so maybe God didn’t create bacon with single people in minds But, hey, as a single guy I’d like to think married people get sex and we get bacon, but I digress. I love being a Christian, I really do. It contains the greatest plan for unconditional love the world will ever know. And as a bonus, I get to eat bacon. I couldn’t be part of a religion that doesn’t let me have meat, or as far as Islam goes, pork, and by extension, bacon. I mean, that’s just criminal. And vegetarians? I’ll never understand. Sure, you can say tofu is good and all, but that’s just like trying to substitute the love of Christ in your life with something else–it just doesn’t work. So while you’re living your baconless lives, I’ll be at home doing devos every morning, marveling at God’s power and awesomeness, thanking Him for His Word and His Son, all the while partaking of my bacon buffet.
For more great writing from Brandon, check out his blog!