There are three actions we Christians love:
- Journaling
- Waiting
- Weddinging
That last one really got away from me, but “getting marrieding” was just as dumb.
The point is, we love weddings, and it often seems like they are triggered via chain reaction.
One friend gets married, and then all of your other friends get married that same summer. (The same thing happens when your friends have kids.)
But how do you have an awesome Christian wedding?
You make sure these 9 things happen:
1. Get a “silver medal” friend to read the Bible during the ceremony.
A silver medal friend is someone you like, but not enough to actually have in your wedding. They didn’t make the wedding party so their consolation prize is that they get to read a Bible verse. Don’t act like this doesn’t happen. It does. Girl, you know it’s true. And it’s OK.
2. Find a pastor who won’t make sex jokes.
Some pastors can’t avoid the temptation to make a joke about the song of Solomon. I once heard a pastor make multiple, “Not that they care where they are going for the honeymoon cause they won’t leave the room” type of jokes. Brutal. Steer clear of this.
3. Book a church that allows you to dance.
My wife hates to dance. So she planned our reception at a church that believed dancing was of the devil. Checkmate Jenny. But if you like to dance, make sure you find a church or reception area that is not going to footloose you.
4. Make at least one “love is patient” cameo.
If this verse is not read at your wedding, good luck. Good luck.
5. Get ready for waffle makers.
No one buys waffle makers for themselves. 100% of all waffle makers are purchased as wedding gifts. And then you get 6 at your wedding and have to pretend that you and your spouse are some sort of waffle hoarders. “No, I can’t get rid of that one, it’s got sentimental value!” Get ready my friend, when you get married, it’s waffle time.
6. Read the Five Love Languages.
This book is standard fare for young married couples. Granted, the author has not replied to my numerous requests to make “sarcasm” the sixth love language, but eventually I am sure he will cave.
7. Get a unity candle, ribbon or sand.
Find some sort of metaphor that says, “Hey, two are about to become one.” The sand is the rarest, but I think the unity candle is a pretty solid go to. Don’t do anything too complicated though. I’ve seen weddings where the guy tried to put some unity necklace on his wife and his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t open the clasp. Took like an hour to get that necklace situation worked out.
8. Make sure the pastor mentions the sun and your anger.
Though I think we might be misinterpreting this verse, we love telling folks to make sure the sun doesn’t go down on your anger. Which kind of sounds a little like your anger turns into a Gremlin at night if not dealt with during the sunlight.
9. Look for your “As for me and my house” plaque.
Next to waffle makers, this is our favorite gift. Probably going to have a nice coat of polish on it, maybe on a walnut background with a farm scene.
Nine point lists are dumb.
What would you add to this list?
What does an awesome Christian marriage need?
