The Up-Sell Guy at the Christian Bookstore
Have you ever run into the “Up-Sell Guy” at a Christian bookstore?
I ran in to my local Christian Bookstore the other day to buy a greeting card. Here’s how my time at the cash register went:
Up-sell Guy (UG): Hi! Will there be anything else today?
Me: No, thanks. Just the card.
UG: [Pointing to a hanging sign.] Did you know you can pre-purchase the new Workouts With Jesus DVD coming out in two weeks for a special low price of $12.97? It’s the follow-up to Yoga with Yahweh.
Me: Umm…no, thanks.
UG: [Pointing to a shelf below the register.] Can I interest you in one of our special-buy items for only five dollars with any purchase?
UG: Only five dollars…It’s a great deal!
[I glance down at 100 Ways to Instantly Make You a Better Christian.]
UG: [Picks up book.] I love this book. It changed my life.
Me: Really? I’ve never heard of it.
UG: Oh my gosh, you have to get it. It’s amazing!
Me: Hmm. [I pick up a CD.] What kind of music is this?
UG: Oh, that’s awesome. It’s kind of hip-hop, funk, R&B.
Me: Really? The guy’s got an acoustic guitar and wearing a cowboy hat.
UG: Well…it’s got a hip-hop flavor.
Me: I think I’ll pass.
UG: Are you a member of our loyalty club?
UG: Would you like to join? It’s absolutely free. For every 25 purchases you make, we’ll give you a coupon for five percent off one item, excluding sale and clearance items.
Me: That’s tempting, but no thanks.
UG: Well, would you like to sign up to receive emails containing valuable coupons sent directly to your inbox?
Me: Are they more valuable than five percent off one item?
UG: Sorry, I wouldn’t know, store employees aren’t allowed to sign up.
Me: No thanks.
UG: Are you interested in receiving our store catalog?
UG: Would you like to support one of our orphans and get this adorable teddy bear as a special gift? The children were hand-picked by our special orphan-scouting team. Three dollars can feed a child for ten years.
Me: I’ve adopted three special needs children from third world countries. Can that count?
UG: No, I’m sorry. It has to be one of our hand-picked orphans.
Me: No thanks.
UG: Well, let me get you checked out. We’re open 24 hours a day on-line at our website. [Holding up my receipt.] You can take an online survey about your visit today for a chance to win a valuable coupon. There’s one winner every month. Enter my personal code here and, if I did a good job, give me a five. Five equals great. Anything less, four down to one, is considered failing, and I’ll probably get fired. [Smiling.]
Me: Uh…okay. Thanks [I walk to the door to leave].
UG: Have a blessed day!
Have you ever encountered the Up-sell guy at a Christian Bookstore?
For more great writing from Kate, check out her blog!