Top Ten Potluck Dishes to Avoid
Church potlucks are always dangerous territory. Dishes abound that are not for the faint of heart. There are concoctions that would scare the pink off a truckload of Pepto Bismol. We are talking about something you are going to PAY FOR in the morning…if you make it till morning. For those reasons, we have comprised a list of the top ten potluck dishes to avoid:
10- Bro. Ed’s Hot Chili: Made with enough peppers to stock Bobby Flay’s chain of Tex-Mex restaurants for a year. (Is that a hole in the wall of that crock pot?)
9- Sister Pearl’s Cream of Something Mustgo Casserole: When everything in the fridge “must go.” Cream of mushroom soup covers a multitude of sins…and leftovers.
8- Anything made with Spam and cheese.
7- Anything made with tuna and cheese.
6- Anything made with Spam AND tuna AND cheese. (Can you possibly imagine?)
5- Mayonnaise Egg Salad Surprise: It’s been at room temperature for 8 hours and you have food poisoning. Surprise!
4- Foods packed in a recycled oleo margarine tub. (Make sure I get that bowl back!)
3- Mable’s Marble Meatloaf: The color, texture, flavor and moisture content of real marble.
2- Aunt Sadie’s Pound Cake: Dense as a brick, and no amount of whipped cream or strawberry juice will penetrate its interior. Guaranteed to maintain that consistency all the way through your digestive track.
1-Cora’s Coconut Cake- Brought by the church cat lady, whose white Persian likes to sit on the counter and watch her bake.
Personally I suggest the no-name, half-chocolate, half-vanilla sandwich cookies straight from the plastic bag, a few stale chips, a couple of brown-and-serve dinner rolls, and a styrofoam cup of weak sweet tea. Enjoy!
(For more great writing from Phil, check out his blog!)