(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Guy Logan, a screenwriter in London. You can follow him on Twitter here or help him find a flatmate here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)
The Trials and Tribulations of the Christian Wingman
On face value, it’s fair to say that being a Christian wingman should be one of the easiest jobs on earth, ranking somewhere between hotel critic and quality control for Skittles.
After all, there are nearly twice as many single women as single men at church–it’s akin to shooting fish in a barrel. With a shotgun. And the fish are Swedish.
Yep–on face value, Christian wingmanning is straight forward. 1) Help your brother pull the log out of his eye. 2) Assist in the Wife Candidate Selection Process. 3) Run interference on competitors. 4) Coach him during the turbulent dating process. 5) Provide ample High Five Support when he moves to “it’s serious.”
But while we’re taking things like Phil Collins, it’s important to remember that it’s never this simple. Against all odds, many eligible Christian men can remain unwed for years.
Sure, there can be many reasons for this. Maybe their King David-esque facial hair looks more John the Baptist (or Robin Williams)? Maybe they’re approaching 40 and more set in their ways than Clint Eastwood in pretty much any movie since 1990?
Whatever the case, it’s up to guys like me to change that. Even if my brothers have the gift of singleness and are actually quite content. Even if they have no problem meeting women.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Jane Austen’s Emma (required reading to enter the UK), it’s that everyone forgives you if your heart’s in the right place. Plus Jesus says I’ve got 77 chances before people can stop forgiving me for trying to set them up. Or something like that. (Maybe the Bible should be required reading here too.)
But despite the apparent simplicity, setting up blokes who don’t want to be set up is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Christian wingman problems.
Another conundrum is when the Intended has plans of her own. Maybe she’s in love with the metrosexual worship leader or has her heart set on becoming a nun. Whatever it is, your goal as a Christian wingman is to subvert those plans and set up your boy as the next most eligible bachelor since Timmy T.
Harsh? Was Jacob wrong to steal the inheritance from his brother? Did Jesus condemn the shrewd manager for his dodgy dealing? Whether you’re prayer shot-blocking or just guiding the worship leader in a different direction to make the Intended’s decision more straightforward, the Christian wingman walks a fine line.
But the biggest problem that can stop a Christian wingman in his tracks is the Own Goal. No matter how subtle his moves, sometimes even the best wingman gives the wrong impression. The girl, or one of her friends, gets the wrong impression.
When this happens, all bets are off. Any aim of helping two star-crossed lovers unite in holy matrimony is placed on hold as you pull a Jonah and jump ship. Bide your time in the belly of a whale and pray there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
Attempts to ride out the storm or redirect misplaced affection can backfire worse than a Jesus Juke instead of a tip. And a bad review can ruin a Christian wingman’s entire career.
There you have it–some of the greatest challenges faced by Christian wingmen. What other problems are there?