I attended a small Baptist college in Birmingham, Alabama called “Samford University.”
I love that school, despite their refusal to have me come speak. (I was on social suspension Freshman year for a Halloween incident gone tragically wrong, and I don’t think they’ve forgiven me yet.)
Be that as it may, I did tend to bump into an interesting phenomenon.
Sometimes, when I would muster up the courage to ask girls out, they would say, “I’m not dating anyone right now. I’m dating Jesus.”
Growing up in Massachusetts, I had never, ever, ever, ever heard this, and it raised a few issues:
1. Is there anywhere in the Bible that Jesus says, “Take up your cross and date me?”
2. Shouldn’t you be married? Dating seems awful casual. I mean, I don’t want to Jesus Juke you but dating is too light.
3. If we start dating, does that mean you have to dump Jesus? That can’t be good.
4. If Facebook had existed back then, would your relationship status have been “Dating Jesus?”
5. If the guy you really liked came up to you and asked you on a date, would you still be “Dating Jesus?” Or is that a line you use primarily on guys named “Jon Acuff?”
6. Would Jesus be OK with us just getting coffee? Or studying together? Frisbee in the quad? Anything?
7. Do you give him Valentine’s gifts? Sometime people at Christmas throw Jesus a birthday party. I’m OK with that, but if you’re expecting Jesus to get you something from Kay’s Jewelers, every kiss begins with K, I’m concerned for you.
So many questions about that line of conversation.
Have you ever heard something like that?
