I write a lot about how awesome God is.
I’ve written approximately 4.2 million blog posts about the Prodigal Son story alone.
Today though, I’ve got some bad news.
There are some prayers God NEVER answers.
1. Prayers to beat Candy Crush levels.
I hate exaggerating, but I almost lost my faith on level 65. I don’t know who owns the Candy Crush app, but satan was definitely one of the developers. Regardless, God will not answer your prayer about beating a specific level.
2. Prayers that Chipotle will stop charging for chips.
I used to avoid Chipotle for this very reason. Charging for chips goes against the very fabric of Mexican restaurants. But, years later, and I’m a fan. So is God. He will not fix this for you.
3. Prayers for a part 2 of Newsies.
Wish this would happen. It won’t. Stop praying it. You’re clogging up the prayer waves for the rest of us.
4. Prayers that the person you cut off on the way to church doesn’t attend your church too.
They do. And they are going to park right next to you. It’s going to be awkward. How awkward? Bathsheba being named Bathsheba while she is taking a bath? (What if she had been showering or jacuzzing? Jacuzzisheba?)
5. Prayers that the queso won’t run out.
It will. Into every bowl, a bottom must fall. I hate it. I really do, but all the prayers in the world about heavenly melted cheese will not save us. Quit it.
I’ve prayed all of these before, and they don’t work.
Save your breath.
What prayer do you think God never answers?