Yesterday, my neighbor told me “Happy Holidays.” So I throat chopped him Liam Neeson style because he’s apparently part of the war on Christmas. After all, Christmas is about Christ and peace on earth and yelling at people.
Remember when the woman at the well told Jesus she wanted water and he screamed, “I am the Living Water, why are you part of the war on water?”
But that’s not the war I’m worried today.
Today I’d like to determine once and for all, what the best Christmas album of all time is.
I went ahead and narrowed it down to the two best:
Mariah Carey’s “Merry Christmas”
Amy Grant’s “A Christmas Album/Home for Christmas” (I consider them a double album, as you should as well.)
Here’s why either album is worthy of the title:
Amy Grant’s “A Christmas Album/Home for Christmas”
1. Look at the photo. Is there a more magical image in all of music? I don’t know where she is, but I assume she’s saying, “Hey Jon Acuff, want some hot chocolate?” And then I’d say, “I sure do Amy Grant!” (Me and Amy Grant always use our full names when we hang out.)
2. That’s the best sweater in the world. I’m pretty sure that came from the gift shop in Epcot’s Norway. (The one right after you ride the Maelstrom.)
3. Amy is Christian Royalty. It feels wrong to vote against her.
Mariah Carey’s “Merry Christmas.”
1. I don’t recognize her second album but I don’t need to because this whole album is fantastic. Most Christmas albums are one good song and then 10 duds. Not this one. I start listening to this one in November.
2. It’s hard to find a better version of “All I want for Christmas is you.” Don’t even bother looking.
3. There’s a pretty amazing reindeer in the video for the aforementioned song. Reindeer render most arguments invalid. I once even met one of the reindeer from the video. How do I know? The reindeer wrangler told me. (Admittedly, that’s a nearly impossible claim for me to verify.)
Now, the tough part. I’ve created a simple survey to see which song wins. We’ll take votes until Sunday night at midnight central time (God’s timezone.)
On Monday we will declare a winner. (You can also add a different album in the survey.)
