Last week I posted about the crazy things folks say to people who are single during the holidays. Things like “Maybe God gave you the gift of singleness, like Paul.”
I asked other people to share the craziest thing they’d been told. And boy did they ever.
Here’s one of my favorites:
From an older lady in church, “Why are you still single, honey? Can’t you cook?” Yes, a lack of culinary skills has made marriage illusive. Darn you, pot roast! Someday I will master you, and my mate will magically appear!
I kept them anonymous to protect their identity.
Prepare to have your face melted off with awesomeness.
The 39 worst things folks said to people who are single during the holidays.
1. “At least you don’t have to decide whose family to spend Christmas day with.”
2. “We might not have many more Cristmases left, we need some grandchildren!”
3. all our friends have great grandchildren already and they are always so surprised we don’t yet”
4. “Have you gotten married yet and forgot to tell me?”
5. “It’s so courageous of you to decorate your apartment for the holidays and send out Christmas cards, as if you had a family”.
6. Being a match maker of sorts of some of my friends, a few couples who have gotten hitched in the last few years my mother reminds me to “….maybe stop introducing everyone of your friends & keep some for yourself”. Actually, no mom that’s called polygamy.
7. Got this one from extended family in a different state: “Well, at least it sounds like you have a good bunch of friends…”
8. Maybe God is dangling a gift in front of you and will only give it to you when you stop reaching for it or wanting it!
9. Among my well-meaning critics: The charming Israeli tailor who completed the alterations on most of my 17 bridesmaid dresses used to ask me every time I entered the store with a dress bag if this time it was *my* wedding. And he died before I could say yes! :-/ –
10. Oh gosh! My grandma switched from saying “when you get married” to “if you get married” when I hit the ripe old age of 19. Veritable spinsterhood!
11. “God is your husband!”
12. The only reason you care so much about family time is because you don’t have a husband or kids of your own.”
13. One year, my well meaning sister in law invited me over for New Years Eve. She didn’t realize that everyone else she had invited was part of a couple, so at midnight after everyone else had shared a New Years kiss she leaned over and kissed me on the forehead.
14. An aunt asked me if I had thought of freezing my eggs.
15. I am single and I love spending Christmas alone. Me & a good book – best Christmas ever. But friends always say – “You really cannot like being alone on Christmas. You must come to my house and hang out with MY family.” I have started to lie – father forgive me it has been 5 years since my last confession – and tell each of these friends that I am spending it with the other. And thus I get to spend Christmas with my book .
16. From my mom: “You know, I think I’ll enjoy Christmas more when there are grandkids around.”
17. One year my granny gave me a Barbie and Ken wedding cake topper for Christmas. Not engaged. Not dating anyone and no prospects. Looked to granny and she says “we have been waiting to give this to you and we needed to clean out the attic. Maybe this year dear, maybe this year.”
18. My mom asked me if I am going to buy something special for myself since I don’t have someone special to buy it for me.
19. A co-worker of mine said yesterday, “we need to put some mistletoe up in the office to get you a husband!”
20. Instead of just asking if I had a boyfriend/husband, she phrased it, “Did you ever end up getting married?” End up? I’m 25 years old!
21. I work at a Christian book store, so I get all of these every day. One day, a lady came in handing out cards from her “greeting card ministry.” She walked up to me and said, “I’m giving everyone one of my cards, but I noticed you’re single, so you get two because you need extra encouragement.” I was so stunned, all I could do was smile and thank her.
22. Last year my uncle came up to me and randomly said “you made me lose!” I delved in more to this comment since I didn’t understand what it meant. Turns out my family had an ongoing bet that on how long it would take for me to get married. So far, my aunt is the only one that is winning, who bet 8 years…. I’m 21.
23. From an older lady in church, “Why are you still single, honey? Can’t you cook?” Yes, a lack of culinary skills has made marriage illusive. Darn you, pot roast! Someday I will master you, and my mate will magically appear!
24. “Well, when you are happy with yourself you will find someone. You just needed a long time to get to that point apparently.”
25. “Have you considered online dating again? Are you really trying?”
26. “I’m surprised you put up a tree. I don’t think I did that when I was single”
27. The reason you’re not married is because you received too much positive affection and affirmation from your father as a child and therefore are less likely to look for that from other guys?
28. “You’re so lucky to get to sleep in on Christmas Day.”
29. “You’re divorced with kids…that’s a lot of baggage. You come across so strong, independent and happy about it. Maybe if you looked a little more like a ‘damsel in distress’ (she uses air quotes with eyes closed) then you would seem more approachable.” –
30. “If I was younger, I would eat you up.”
31. At Thanksgiving this year, when I responded “No.” to my grandma’s question of “Do you have a boyfriend, yet?”, my aunt piped in with “Well, that’s okay, there’s always adoption.” I’m only 27.
32. Last Christmas (I was 20): Grandma- “Emma, do you have a boyfriend?” Me- “No…” Grandma- “Are you straight?”
33. My church used to have New Year’s Eve parties where they would hand out Hershey’s Kisses to the teens and single adults so that they, too, could have a “new year’s kiss”.
34. I’m 27, I’m an RN and one of my patients who was blind once said “come here. Let me feel your face to see what’s wrong with it.”
I replied “say what? There’s nothing wrong with my face.”
He said “well, you’re smart, you’re funny, you have a good job; I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you to make you an old maid!”
I was only 22 at the time! I can only imagine what he’d say now.
35. The one I’ve been getting from my family these days is “well, it’s better to be single than married to the wrong person.” The age threshold must be 30 because no one says “when” anymore to me.
36. “I feel like I can minister to other women so much better now that I’m in a relationship.. but I’m sure you do a good job too.”
37. “Maybe you should lower your standards”
38. The worst comment I ever got was from a girl who was 2 years younger than me and had been with her boyfriend, now husband, for about 3 months at the time…her comment went something like this….”If I remember correctly from Christmases when I was single….”
39. At my job we have to take turns being on call, my co-workers told me I should volunteer to be on call during Christmas because I “wouldn’t have a husband or kids to disappoint” if I had to work.