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Refusing a bulletin at church.

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“I couldn’t do it, I just couldn’t,” my wife said, shaking her head as she sat down next to me at church.

“What? What couldn’t you do?” I asked, a little concerned.

“I couldn’t refuse the bulletin. That lady at the door is so nice, but I just wanted to tell her, ‘Nah, I’m good,’” Jenny said.

I laughed.

“I mean, I’m not doing the fill in the blanks and know most of the stuff in it already. I’m just going to put it back in the basket at the end of the service,” she said.

I immediately thought about that Mitch Hedberg joke. He says that when someone hands you a flyer in New York, what they are really saying is, “Here, you throw this away.”

But we’re not throwing our bulletins away. We’re not sweaty Philistines. We love Jesus.

Is there a way to politely shotblock the bulletin if you don’t need it? Can we claim it’s a green thing? Like we’re doing it for the earth and mother nature and Whole Foods and kale? Is that possible?

Any suggestions?

Ron Swanson at church.

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If you watch the NBC show Parks & Recreation, than you are familiar with the mustachioed antics of Ron Swanson. Little did I know he also attends church. (I didn’t create this. If you did, let me know so I can give you credit.)

Source: Via Jon on Pinterest

 

Saying "you're called to that."

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A friend of the family adopted a baby a few years ago. He and his wife are Caucasian and the baby is African American, so occasionally they get asked interesting questions. I believe his favorite one to answer is, “What country did you adopt from?” He loves responding to this one because his answer is, “The country of Mississippi.”

There are a tremendous amount of orphans in the US and this is simply his slightly amusing away of drawing attention to the kids across the street that need to be adopted too. I was talking about adoption a few weeks ago with a different friend at dinner. I mentioned that someone I knew had adopted a special needs child from Europe. They purposely decided to adopt an older special needs child and give them a new home and a new family.

As soon as I started that story, my friend blurted out something Christians the world over say when faced with tremendous love like this, “You’re called to that.” Then he breathed a tremendous sigh of relief and went back to eating.

He was comforted by that sentence in part because of what it really means. When you hear about another Christian going off on some crazy, difficult mission for God, you get a small ping of guilt. We’re a very guilty people some times and in this particular case that guilt stems from thinking that you should also be adopting special needs kids. What are you doing right now in your life that is holy or big or adventurous? Nothing? Better throw out that get out of jail free card, “You’re called to that.”

I think that sentence is funny because it’s not complete. When we say that, what we’re really saying is, “You’re called to that and I was not. I would totally do that. I would live in Guam with clothes woven of bamboo shoot and nurse a baby llama named “Punbar” back to health with love and applesauce if that’s what God wanted me to do, but so far, gosh darn it, he just hasn’t given me that call. I’m ready though. I am ready. I’ll get you a mission trip machete if I do end up going. You’re called to that.”

Am I wrong? Have you ever heard someone say something like this? Have you ever said it?

Trying to be humble, a 7 Step Guide.

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(How do you become humble? It’s difficult right? I mean it’s not like there’s one magic step that makes you humble. It’s actually seven steps and they’re all here today at Stuff Christians Like thanks to unstoppable guest blogging machine Curtis. Enjoy.)

Trying to become humble, a Seven Step Guide

One of the stupidest things I’ve ever done is prayed for God to make me more humble. I think this might be one of the only prayers that God will always answer with an emphatic “YES”.

Below is a seven step guide to becoming humble. I’ve found that I am often humbled participating in church activities, many of them in incredibly public situations. Some of these scenarios are autobiographical; I’ll let you decide for yourself which ones have happened to me and which ones are made up.

1.) Be the back-up right fielder for your church’s softball team.
It doesn’t get much less important than this, unless your role is team bat boy. The college minister’s four year old son is already pretty good at that, so when you’re riding the pine while your team is out to even the score with the Methodists, you’ll get really good at spitting sunflower seed husks and heckling the umpire “in Christian love.”

2.) Get demoted to page turner for the pianist.
So you can’t carry a tune in a bucket. Who knew the men’s choir didn’t need any bropranos? Your new job is to turn pages for the pianist (what they didn’t tell you is that it’s an a capella choir called “In One A-Chord”).

3.) Be the low man on the hand bell totem pole.
You know the hand bell that looks like the Liberty Bell pre-crack? Yeah, you’re playing that one. It get’s thumped once every seventeen offertories. But, hey, at least you get to wear those fancy white gloves. Maybe you can use them to practice being a Christian mime or something. After all, wasn’t it St. Francis of Assisi who said, “Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words”?

4.) Get booed off the stage at a nursing home.
Sure, it’s a nice idea to go and sing to residents at the local nursing home. But just because you own a guitar doesn’t mean you are a guitar player, especially when you also aren’t a very good singer. Sometimes no visitors is better than visitors who ruin Frank Sinatra songs.

5.) Get cast as understudy for the felt board storyteller.
Sure, Framanda is like the Tiger Woods of felt board storytelling. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get your time to shine (especially when you’ve created your own custom felt board version of the rapture story for the five year old Sunday school class).

6.) Sort out the green M&Ms for the diva worship leader.
Someone has to do it. Otherwise he just won’t go on. After all, the green ones are the holiest. Maybe one day you’ll be promoted to “faux hawk re-geller” so you can keep the awesome cranked up to eleven before the worship leader goes out and flexes the golden pipes during the special music portion of the worship service.

7.) Get nominated as Frisbee caddy for the pastor’s son by the recreation committee.
You’ve really hit rock bottom if you find yourself wading through ponds and crawling around in poison ivy looking for the pastor’s son’s Frisbee at the local disc golf course. Maybe instead of praying for humility you should be praying for a new serving role at your church.

I think we could all use at least a small dose of humility (points to self), but be careful what you pray for. If any combination of these things happens to you, you’ll have some stories to trade with Job when you get to heaven. Just don’t go out and get a shirt that says “Who has two thumbs and is really humble? THIS GUY.” That really defeats the purpose.

What are some ways (funny or not) that you’ve been humbled?

(For more great stuff from Curtis, check out his blog justwallpaper.wordpress.com)

The Sexy Sermon Series.

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If Zondervan lets me write a second book, I’ll probably title it “How to grow a huge church in 1 easy step.” And inside the book, which I will insist on having my picture on, will be a single piece of paper. (Talk about being green!) And on that piece of paper will be the secret to instant church growth.

Want to know it? Want a sneak peek or really I guess it’s not a peek so much as it is the whole book? Here it is:

“If you want to grow your church instantly, do a sermon series about sex.”

Many of you have probably already stopped reading this post and are currently hanging billboards around your town advertising the new sermon series your church is going to do. But maybe that book needs a second page. Maybe that one sentence is not enough. Maybe it’s not easy to name a sex sermon series. So I did some research and put together a little quiz that will hopefully help you think through what you should title your series. Below are a bunch of names for sex sermon series, including some websites. Some are real and are from actual churches. Some are fake and are from my head. See if you can guess which ones are which:

Sexy sermon series or something Jon made up?

1. “Yourultimatelover.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

2. “Great Sex for You”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

3. “Bringing Sexy Back”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

4. “Electric Sex”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

5. “Whatsbetweenthesheets.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

6. “Desperatesexlives.com”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

7. “Solomon is the OT’s version of the musician Prince. Love notes from a man whose awesomeness with the ladies eventually brought him to ruin.”
A. That’s a real sermon series.
B. Jon made that up.

How’d you do? Want the answer key? OK, they’re all real. Each one of those titles was from a church sermon series. Whoa, curve ball. I zigged right when you were expecting a zag, I bobbed when you were expecting a weave, I Marloned Wayans right when you were expecting me to Kenan Ivory Wayans. Or maybe you saw through the whole thing, even the fake one I threw in at the end.

I’m not sure what the approach some churches are taking with the subject of sex says about us. Are we talking about it too much? Are we using it as a subject because it garners lots of attention? Or are we not talking about it enough?

I’m torn on this one. On the one hand, the world has a loud, noisy, colorful campaign about sex. They are constantly bombarding us with messages about it and for us to remain silent or to allow the world to try to claim that topic as their own domain seems foolish. I cheer that the churches on this list are sharing God’s word with our culture with creativity and funk. But at the same time, I think it’s really tempting to use that topic as a neon sign that will attract people to a topic but maybe not the Lord. Pastor Craig Groeschel dropped some bombs on this subject at a conference I went to when he talked about the foolishness of doing a sex sermon series just as a way to make your church look cool. And I confess that even as a silly blogger it’s tempting to write about controversial subjects in the hope that controversy will attract more eyeballs.

Where do you stand on that?

Does the church talk about sex too much?

Or not enough?

Not forgiving Amy Grant nearly fast enough.

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Here’s the thing Amy, turns out I’m perfect. I know, surprising, right? True, there was some sin in my life in the fall of 1997 and then again during Labor Day weekend in 2001, but those days are long gone. I’m flawless and I thought you were too. I thought you were one of us, but then you went and got a divorce.

Soooo, I had to stop listening to your music. It was bad enough that in the video for your pop crossover hit, “Baby, Baby,” you agreed to dance around with some dude as if the song was about loving a guy when all your real fans, the people that have supported you through thick and thin, knew that wasn’t the real meaning of the song. That’s when I first got nervous that you might actually be human. But as a diehard fan I cut you some slack, approximately .2 inches of slack.

But then you got divorced and married Vince Gill. Apparently you forgot you’re a role model Amy, not a human.

Sure, I could see how this approach might help create a Christian culture where we put famous Christians on pedestals. I could see how this might encourage our leaders to never admit small mistakes. I can understand how this might help contribute to prominent Christians lying about the little things for fear of losing my attention until finally those little things stack up and fall over, crushing the leader under the weight of decades of secret sin and stunning his followers who never saw a single crack in an otherwise perfect façade. But I didn’t say being perfect was easy. I just said I expected it.

I got rid of all of your CDs. Don’t worry, I didn’t burn them. I learned my lesson the hard way in high school when I destroyed all of my music after getting really fired up after a retreat. A month later I started buying the same CDs again when the fervor of the retreat wore off. (Again, a fairly dark period of my life that involved repurchasing and throwing away the Bangles, “Walk like an Egyptian” and perhaps even wearing my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can, see the light that’s right between my eyes.)

Nope, instead of throwing away your music I just put you in my “judging box” in my closet under the stairs. That’s where I keep the things that I might need to keep my eye on for the next few years. If you want to earn your way out of there I suggest a documentary about how you blew it. Maybe an apology concert of some sort and perhaps one more television show where you make the dreams of the less fortunate come true. Only this time, make sure it’s on TBN and not NBC Amy. You’re not going to earn your way out of the judging box with a show on any of the major “netjerks.” (wordplay!)

Planning the ultimate Christian wedding.

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I used to write advertising for a company that specialized in rental tuxedos. One of my jobs was to answer all the emails that people sent to a fictional girl called “Jenny.” So on any given day I was emailing wedding advice to anxious would be brides about everything from what color cummerbunds would match a bridesmaid’s dress to how to politely ask groomsmen to pay for their own tuxes.

The idea of me giving girls advice about color schemes and wedding dresses is absurd. I was horrible at that part of my job and I regret if you ever got some ridiculous email signed by “Jenny.” That was me. I thought chocolate was going to be the new black and coral was darker than salmon. My bad.

But despite my woeful color schemes, I do think I can help you plan the ultimate Christian wedding. I’ve been in a few, I’m about to do one and over the last year you shared a lot of ideas about them. Plus, after “Surviving Church as a Single” became the biggest post ever on Stuff Christians Like I felt like the married readers needed some love too. Without further ado, I give you:

The Ultimate Christian Wedding Scorecard

1. You have someone read a Bible verse at your wedding. = +1 point for each verse

2. You have someone read 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient at your wedding = +2 points

3. You have someone read verses from Song of Solomon in the message version of the Bible and the verses sound vaguely like a Prince lyric and somehow include the phrase, “let’s make out.” = +3 points

4. The person you ask to read the verse is not a Christian and your primary purpose in asking them is that you hope that touching the Bible will rub off on them via osmosis. = +1 point

5. You do a unity candle. = +2 points

6. You weave three ribbons (representing you, your spouse and God) into a single strand that cannot be torn asunder. = +2 points

7. You refuse to hold a bachelor party because they’re evil. = +1 point

8. You hold a bachelor party but call it a “guys that love Jesus golfing together party” = +3 points

9. The pastor that does your ceremony cracks a joke about sex = +3 points for every joke

10. You and your spouse take communion during the ceremony = +3 points

11. You and everyone at the wedding take communion during the ceremony = +4 points

12. You take a love offering during the ceremony = – 3 points

13. The pastor mentions the “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” principle = + 1 point

14. You have a live bird of prey at the podium with you and your bride in order to symbolize the “mount up like eagles” Bible verse = +10 points

15. You receive a, “As for me and my house” plaque for a wedding gift = +1 point for each

16. You receive a Thomas Kinkade painting for a wedding gift = +1 point for each

17. You receive the first 15 volumes of the Left Behind book series in a commemorative wheelbarrow because the girth of that many books is physically staggering = +5 points

18. You don’t have dancing at the reception because it’s held in a church and that church doesn’t approve of dancing and you miss your chance to dance, dance, dance the night away Jon Acuff. = -1 point

19. You have dancing at the reception and your grandmother gets on the floor and dances to Fergie’s song “Fergilicious,” Bennett Acuff (my little brother) = +1 million points

20. At any point during the ceremony a Shofar horn makes a cameo = + 1 point

21. The favor you give everyone is a Bible = +3 points

22. The Bibles are Gideon editions you stole from the hotel all the guests are staying at. = -4 points

23. Your pastor can’t resist the temptation of a captive audience and ad libs the entire gospel message in the middle of your vows = +1 point

24. Your pastor asks you to take a seat for a minute so that people have room to come forward for the altar call. = +2 points

25. Your pastor mentions the phrase “covenant relationship” = + 2 points for each use

26. Your pastor tells the story of Adam and Eve = +3 points

27. Your pastor highlights the verses about “wives submitting to their husband” = +1 point

28. Your crazy aunt boos or hisses from the crowd when she hears this = – 2 points

29. The church you get married in lets you know upfront that they only allow “sacred music” and if you get married there you better expect the organ to be the main instrument used. = +3 points

0 – 10 Points = Not a big fan of God huh? Didn’t feel like inviting Him to your wedding? Didn’t think you could find a tux big enough for Him? Interesting.

11-20 Points = I don’t want to call you “lukewarm” but it’s possible you registered for gifts at that store, “I’m kind of a Christian.”

21+ Points = Welcome to the big leagues. Your wedding is just like church except there’s cake at the end. Onward Christian soldier.

How did you score? I hit over 30 because we got married at a conservative church in Atlanta.

How about you?

What other Christian wedding staples did I miss?

What did you do at your wedding or weddings you’ve been to?

Feeling guilty for not homeschooling your kids or sending them to a Christian school.

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A few weeks ago I lied to a guy at church. I didn’t mean to, I wasn’t planning on playing him like that, it just happened.

I was in the hall getting my daughter L.E. out of Sunday School. He and I have talked before about the private Christian school his kids go to. So while we waited in line, he made small talk and asked, “Have you guys decided on a school yet?”

The truth is, we have. We’re sending our daughter to Kindergarten at the public school down the street. But what came out of my mouth when he asked that question was, “No, we haven’t made a decision yet.”

Wow, Jon Acuff = liar. And when I talked later with my wife about why I lied to my friend, I realized, “I feel guilty for not homeschooling or sending my kids to a private Christian school.”

Where did that come from? My friend certainly never said or did anything to make me feel that way. He’s one of the kindest, nicest people on the planet. I don’t think I’ve read anything in the Bible that says, “If you want to be a real Christian you have to homeschool your kids or send them to private school,” so how did I end up with this belief?

I’m not sure, but I think it might be because I tend to buy into stereotypes. When my neighbor said to me, “The public schools are great here except for the middle school when you have to start worrying about the street gangs” I started to believe in my head, “Great, every public school on the planet is riddled with gangs. It’s not hard enough to be a teenage girl, why don’t I send my daughter to a school where in addition to puberty, she will one day have to wrestle with gang affiliation in the eighth grade.” And then when I meet a teenager that is homeschooled and polite I think, “If I want to have polite, God-loving, awesome kids I have to homeschool them.”

I tend to accept the extremes as the rule, but I’m finding that the more I can put my stereotypes on the table, the easier it is for me to laugh at them and then move on to the truth. So today, I thought I’d throw out my favorite stereotypes for public schools, homeschooling and private Christian schools, giggle at them and then move on. Here goes:

Public School Stereotypes
1. If you send your kid to public school they’re going to be constantly learning about evolution. Even gym class will have some sort of Darwinian dodgeball kind of game they play. Every class they take will be evolution focused and eventually they will hate the Bible and creation.

2. When they’re not learning about evolution, your kids will be taking sex ed classes that Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner and the satan himself funded.

3. If you send your kid to public school, they will “grow up fast” and walk away from the church.

4. If you send your kid to public school, you can look at it like a mission field because they’ll have a chance to witness to so many people.

5. If you send your kid to public school, you’ll have to supplement the Bible they’re not getting during the day with round the clock Bible study at home from the moment school gets out until the second your kids go to sleep at night.

Private Christian School Stereotypes
1. If you send your kid to Private Christian school, they’ll study the Bible all day and form a lifelong relationship with Christ that no man can tear asunder.

2. If you send your kid to Private Christian school, they’ll eventually go wild if they go to a non Christian college because suddenly they won’t have all the same restrictions they are used to.

3. If you think public school kids are fast, send your kids to a private school where the kids actually have money for the big, serious drugs and have the time and financial freedom to really get crazy.

4. If you send your kids to a private Christian school, you can worry less about family Bible time because that’s the school’s job, not yours.

5. If you send your kid to private Christian school you’ll never have to worry about mean kids, or your kids having enough friends or any of the other challenging things that come with being a teenager because everyone at a private Christian school is a Christian and loves one another.

Homeschool Stereotypes
1. If you homeschool your kids, you have to become “pseudo Amish” and your wife has to grow her hair down to her waist, learn how to make her own clothes, grow your own food and churn your own butter.

2. If you homeschool your kids, they’ll be so socially stunted that they won’t know how to handle any social interaction outside of your own family.

3. If you homeschool your kids, you can take family vacations whenever you want because you’re no longer a slave to the school system’s calendar.

4. If you homeschool your kids, they can’t go to the prom, play sports, and have friends with last names different than your own.

5. If you homeschool your kids, they’ll have to go to a small Bible college somewhere in the woods because “homeschool valedictorian” doesn’t hold a lot of clout on a college application.

Those are the stereotypes bouncing around my head right now.

How about you? Have you ever felt guilty for not sending your kids to private Christian school or homeschooling them?

Where you homeschooled?

Did you go to a private Christian school?

What’s your take on the whole school thing?

Did I miss any stereotypes?

Thinking pre-marital counseling is for everyone and post-marital counseling is for failures.

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Sure, my wife and I went to pre-marital counseling. Are you kidding? We wanted to start our marriage on a solid foundation of communication and respect and love. It was great working with that counselor to really understand the differences we bring to this relationship and how God can use those to create oneness in our hearts and our home. That’s just what you do before you get married. Every Christian knows pre-marital counseling is critical.

Post marital counseling? Is that what you’re suggesting we do? Who told you our marriage was in trouble?

It was Frank, wasn’t it? Ugh, that Frank. Plank in his eyeball! Our marriage is fine. We’re happy, things are great. Sure we have ups and downs like any marriage but unless my wife has had an affair, secretly developed a secret credit card debt or has some sort of weird willow tree figurine habit that I don’t know about, I don’t think we need to go to post marital counseling.

We don’t need maintenance. The principles we learned during pre-marital counseling became magically cemented in our souls when we put our rings on in front of friends and family members. Those lessons we learned had a 60 year guarantee. I feel like our pre-marital counselor might have mentioned that we needed to continually work on the strength of our marriage and nurture our love continually with a great degree of intentionality, but it’s weird because as soon as we got married, those things just naturally started happening without any discernible effort on my part. Pretty cool, right?

And plus, everyone knows post marital counseling is the last stop on the “your marriage sucks” train line. It’s where you go when your house is on fire, or there’s some sort of relational komodo dragon that’s come between you and your wife. It’s not somewhere you go for a tune up. I wouldn’t even know who to ask to find a counselor. The minute I did, people at church would whisper about us and pray for us because they’d know things were dire.

Nope, I’m good. I did all the learning I needed to do before the wedding ceremony. After the ceremony it was time for living. See that? That was alliteration. Learning vs. Living. How could I possibly need counseling when I’m able to alliterate at that level?

If anything I should be giving other people counseling, in how to be awesome.

Surviving church as a married couple without kids.

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(It’s been a while since Hucklebuck has written a guest post, but if you’ve ever read the comments on this site you’ve probably seen his name. Well today, I’m excited to introduce you to Mrs. Hucklebuck or Stacey if you prefer. I love this idea she wrote and I’m really glad that both the Hucklebucks are so talented.)

After I read the SCL post dedicated to singles and several of the comments calling for a similar post about married couples without kids, I have compiled a scorecard of my own. Although I’m admittedly not as funny as Jon Acuff, I have written this post after years of discussions with my single friends about how hard it can be in both of our situations on any given Sunday.

I do realize that the following list is from the perspective of a couple whose desire is to be parents, and that not every married Christian couple feels the same. My situation involves infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss, but I’m guessing that many of these can apply to people who have not yet had children for just about any other reason.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself discussing intimate details of your fertility with a sweet old lady at church, read on!

Surviving Church as a MCWOK: Married Couple Without Kids
(with thanks to Eric for the term)

1. If you’ve been told “It will happen someday.” = +2 points (+10 bonus points if the person touches your face while speaking these words.)

2. If you’ve ever been told to “Just relax,” or “It will happen when you stop trying,” which is not physically possible. = +2 points

3. If you’ve ever been asked to “volunteer” in the nursery on Mother’s Day so the scheduled worker can enjoy the service. = +3 points

4. If friends with kids invite you over and you wind up babysitting their kids the whole time. = +1 point

5. If friends offer to let you spend time with their kids for some “family time” or to get your “kid fix.” = +2 points

6. If people offer to give you their kids if you want some so badly. = +3 points

7. If you can’t attend a church potluck without being asked about your sex life and/or personal doctor visits. = +3 points

8. If friends tell you that spending time with their misbehaving kids will change your mind about wanting your own. = +1 point

9. If you find you’d rather skip the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/Sermon series on the family services at church. = +2 points

10. If the term “family” at your church always refers to Mom+Dad+Kids. = +2 points

11. If it is suggested that if you prayed hard enough or had enough faith, you’d have children. = +3 points

12. If you’ve ever been told that you are so “lucky” because you can go on vacations, go see movies at the theater, or sleep late. = +3 points

13. If you’ve been told that you should really enjoy your road trip because “at least you don’t have kids to entertain in the car.” = +1 point

14. If you’ve heard countless stories of people who have adopted babies and then miraculously gotten pregnant. = +2 points for every occasion

15. If you’ve been asked “Why don’t you just adopt?” (As if the decision is as easy as picking out a new toothbrush.) = +3 points

16. If it is assumed that you will work VBS every year because you “love being with kids so much” and probably have nothing else going on. = +1 point for every year you have worked VBS

17. If people assume that you sleep until noon every day. = +2 points

18. If you tell people you are a homemaker and the first question they ask is “How many kids do you have?” = +1 point

19. If it has ever been suggested that you aren’t as “blessed” as others just because you don’t have children. = +3 points

20. If you have had people tell you about dreams and visions they’ve had of your future children. = +2 points for dreams; +3 points for visions

21. If your “personal prayer request” about trying to have a baby gets printed on paper and put in the hands of every person in attendance at your church that day. = +10 points

22. If friends with kids eventually stop wanting to hang out with you because you’ve declined going with them to playdates a few too many times and you find out they would rather hang out with the new couple with young kids because they “understand what it’s like.” = +3 points

23. You can’t hold someone else’s baby at church without hearing “When are you going to get one of those?” or “That looks really good on you!” = +1 point

24. You’ve been told that you HAVE to watch the movie Facing the Giants. (Because, you know, it’s not just about facing “giants” in football…) = +2 points; +3 points if they tell you that the coach’s wife has a baby at the end

25. Someone has ever asked you about your fertility during Meet & Greet time at a Sunday morning service. = +1 point; +2 points if yelled across more than 2 rows of people

Your Score:
0-30 That’s okay, you’re still young. Just keep trying!
31-60 You’re not quite there yet. Have you considered other options?
61+ You’re an overachiever! The world would benefit greatly if you procreated!

How did you score? Did I miss anything you’ve ever heard as a MCWOK?

To read more about Hucklebuck and Stacey’s life as a MCWOK, visit Stacey’s blog.