Stuff Christians Like

Guest Posts

Do you speak Christianese?

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Tim Stewart.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Do you speak Christianese?

Brethren and sistren, how is your daily walk? How are your quiet times and devos? Remember that seven days without prayer makes one weak! For me, I’ve just been counting it all joy. I’m too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. I hope you don’t think I’m superspiritual or that I’ve arrived. After all, I’m not perfect, just forgiven. Some people have accused me of being so heavenly-minded that I am no earthly good, but have patience with me please—God’s not finished with me yet!

Why just this morning I was sending God knee-mail and getting into the Word. I was reading the red letters and making sure that the gold was in my heart and not just on the gilt edges of my Bible. I gleaned some pearls and re-read my life verse.

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Global warming & Miley Cyrus’ navel ring

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Pam Lyon.  You can check out her blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Global Warming:

Are we doing it? Is God doing it?

At the end of the day, I think there is one thing we can all agree on:

I don’t want to drive a Prius to save the world because it is shaped like a suppository.

Also, if there is a rapture and I’m left behind, I don’t want to be in a smart car when that guy’s empty Hummer crashes into me.

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Bragging about our lack of dating experience

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Kristin Cummings.  You can check out her blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Bragging about our lack of dating experience

When I was 22, I remember wondering if turning 30 and having ‘never been kissed’ was still considered cute.

I was seriously worried about it because, at least in my mind, I was well on my way there. Sweet 16 and kiss-less was cute. Maybe even being a college student and saving that smooch for someone special was still sweet. But I was a working college graduate and still a member of the exclusive ‘never been kissed’ club.

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The Up-Sell Guy at the Christian Bookstore

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Kate Hall.  You can check out her blog here and you can follow her on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Up-Sell Guy at the Christian Bookstore

Have you ever run into the “Up-Sell Guy” at a Christian bookstore?

I ran in to my local Christian Bookstore the other day to buy a greeting card. Here’s how my time at the cash register went:

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“YeshuaTube”

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Chad Nelson.  You can check out his blog or follow him on Twitter.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

“YeshuaTube”

I got some great insight into our culture the other day from my young buddy and radio co-host Ford Garner.  We were discussing the prospect of Jesus among us in 2013 and, since he is 19 and connected, I trust his judgment on all things pop culture.

Brief editorial interlude: Ford is a licensed minister, former Homecoming King, Chamber of Commerce “Student of the Year,” in-demand evangelist, college student, middle school youth leader, radio host and has 2000+ Facebook friends. Again, he is 19. The Facebook thing is probably impressive (I’m 42 so no real grasp of the significance), but I am pretty sure my accolades at 19 began and ended with “Most Likely to Waste Money.”   Mission accomplished, Mom.

Anyway, we looked around at society and, more specifically, church culture. In fact, we discussed an entire YouTube channel devoted to such things for future generations to see how Christ fit in our lives in 2013. Welcome to YeshuaTube (we like to keep it real)….

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Christian put-down lines

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Peter McMurray.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian put-down lines

Valentine’s Day came around last month and it started me thinking. If there is one thing we Christians don’t like, it is singleness – the one spiritual gift that should come with a receipt so you can exchange it for something that suits you better. And what worse time to be single than Valentine’s Day, when all good Christian couples should be texting, tweeting and instagraming verse from 1 Corinthians 13 to each other (so helpful of Paul to split it into short, tweet-friendly sentences – restricting himself to under 140 characters way before Twitter made it mainstream, so hipster…)

Which is why as a young single Christian guy, I was afraid. The 14th was rapidly approaching and I had no-one to DTR with. But then I found a SCL post of Christian pick-up lines. Armed with these lines, what could possibly go wrong? It was time for me to put the stud back into Bible study.

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Over-spiritualizing Self-Deprecation

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Tim Fall.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Over-spiritualizing Self-Deprecation

Christians have perfected the tortuous over-spiritualizing of self-deprecation. You see it in ministry all the time. Someone tries to pay a sincere compliment to another Christian and gets smacked down faster than a flyweight amateur boxer at a heavyweight MMA title match. The person trying to be an encourager leaves the conversation deflated, and the person who deflected the encouragement with unnecessary and inappropriate self-deprecation gets to feel spiritually superior for having done so.

But here’s how I’d love to see the conversation go sometime:

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Christian Limericks

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian Limericks

Throughout the Psalms, David exhorts us to sing a new song to the Lord. Have you ever noticed though how we never sing limericks in
church?

I thought I’d fix that, so here are 7 limericks that could be well suited to the Message Poetry Version (MPV) of the Bible:

There was a man in the wilderness called John
Who wasn’t sure Jesus was God’s son
He’d turned water into wine
And as a Baptist that wasn’t fine
So he was worried the Messiah was a con

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Christian Song Parody Writing

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Brandon Wash.  You can follow him on Twitter @bwashy. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian Song Parody Writing

Before you run away and hide, we know you’re out there. Yes you, the ones who rewrite secular songs with Christian lyrics. I know you exist because my dad is one of you. If it was played by an 80s hair band, you better believe that he’s thrown some Jesus in that.

Don’t be frightened. I’m a fan of the Christian song parody writer! But since I haven’t seen a tweet from the governing Christian council (does that even exist? Someone surely had to make the ruling that skinny jeans were cool for worship leaders), I’d like to formally propose some right here so we can avoid any more “I like Christian girls and I can not lie” situations:

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The Church Picker

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Lon Hetrick. You can check out his blog here.  You can also follow him on Twitter @averageus. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Church Picker

So…

You’re new in town, settling into your new digs, getting used to the local eateries and traffic patterns and such. You feel pretty good about how quickly you’re adjusting. You’ve found the best stores and even know two of your new neighbors by name.

You hardly even feel like a tourist anymore. This could be good. This could feel like home in no time.

But then you remember…

You Haven’t Found a New Church.

A brick drops in your gut as you dread the coming weeks of awkward, but necessary, church-shopping tactics:

  • The greeter-avoidance maneuver.
  • The hide-in-the-herd hustle.
  • The breezy, just-passin’-through, bearing.
  • The “Are you new here?” evasion techniques.
  • And above all, the no-eye-contact game face.

(Lord help you if you have children to put in the nursery. You’ll still be on 43 church mailing lists when little Jenny’s working on her Ph.D.)

Is this your story? Do churches outnumber all the taco, burger and pizza joints combined in your new hometown? Do you wonder how you’ll ever find that right church among the 692 within five miles of your front door?

Don’t You Wish There Was an App for That?

Ah, there’s help for you, my friend!

“Find the right church with Church Picker”

Just install Church Picker by eMelodee, select a few preferences, and Great Jehoshaphat! Church Picker shows you a custom-matched, short-list of right(ish) churches for you.

It’s like God’s guidance on your smartphone.

Want to avoid a church that’s a little too friendly? Just slide the friendliness preference to select “Total anonymity. No hugging.”

Have a strong conviction about Bible versions? With Church Picker you can easily find churches that believe “The King James was good enough for Paul,” just like you.

Is congregation size a priority? Select options from “Megachurch with heliport” down to “Come grow with us.”

Maybe you’re concerned about the quality of your worship experience? Just slide the musical preference to find churches that feature “Spinet Organ & Gospel Choir,” “Holy Smoke Praise Band,” “A Cappella Psalms & Shape Notes,” “Unplugged Metro-Worship,” or “Bach, Pipes & Brass.”

Need even more control? No worries! Select your preferences for up to 33 Church Picker dimensions like: visitor visibility, liturgy, length of service, singles, preaching, nursery, and youth ministry.

You can even pick a theological* preference like: “I just follow Jesus,” “Doctrine Divides!” or “Modern-Western Pre-mill Seekerism.”

(*note: Some dimensions may not reduce the number of matches in your area.)

“Church Picker: It’s
like God’s guidance on your smartphone.”

Download “Church Picker” now, and you’ll also get exclusive access to the free companion app, “Daily Prayers My Way.” It makes prayer so easy, even a cave…

Well, you get the idea.

Get “Church Picker” by eMelodee and cut through the church-shopping clutter.

Pick a church on your phone. Save shopping for the mall.

For more great writing from Lon, check out his blog!