1. Baby Einstein is the equivalent of baby crack. Seriously, turn on one and your screaming kid will become comatose as colorful shapes spin and bears dance and toys shimmer across the screen to Mozart. The only issue is that if you’re ever out and about and your kid hears classical music, they’ll start jonesin’ for a fix.
2. The show Caillou will make your kid afraid of everything on the planet. This is the only cartoon character I have ever wanted to punch. He whines and cries and whimpers his way through the entire program. Avoid at all costs.
3. No one knows what the Doodlebops are but trust me, they are terrifying. Their ears are kind of tucked into a flap of skin, they are ungodly good at playing instruments and breakdancing on buses and one of them can shrink his body down into impossibly small spaces.
There, I feel worlds better. But honestly, I love Veggie Tales. It’s creative, imaginative and has enough adult humor to keep me engaged. The best song is the cheeseburger song, there can be no debate on this point, but all of their stuff is good.
My one issue is that when we went to the “Pirates the Don’t Do Anything” movie in the theater, they didn’t start the movie with their theme song. It was like going to see U2 and Bono refusing to do “One” or “Where the Streets Have No Name.” My two year old daughter leaned over to me and immediately said, “Not this veggies.” That’s toddler for, “What a poor branding decision. That theme song is an audio trigger that lets me know it’s time to enjoy some Veggie Tales programming. To leave that song out was a foolish, foolish decision on the Director’s part.”