I lost 30 pounds before my wedding.
I woke up at 4AM for three months.
I had to wash my sheets every night because I cold sweat so much.
I started taking Paxil for depression.
All that to say, I was not good at getting married. This is not a post about how great I did things and how great you should do things. This is me saying, “I was an idiot, please don’t be one too.”
My wife and I didn’t do premarital counseling although I confessed some things before we got married. I put about 10% of my past on the table before we tied the knot. And that 90%, the stuff that was really gross or shameful? It felt like the weight of the world. So the closer we got to the wedding, the heavier it felt. The wedding day wasn’t a smile on my calendar, it was a big frown because I was lying. I was lying to my future wife, I was lying to God and I was lying to me.
If I could go back again, I would tell her everything in premarital counseling. I would make sure I wrote it down and thought/prayed about it. I would do it with a counselor so that we had a good mediator. I would empty as much of my baggage as I could in an honest, helpful way. Sometimes we confess things because we want other people to carry them instead of us. I don’t mean you should do that. I mean your future husband or wife should know what they are getting into. You should tear down the facade of who you are before you’re married so that when you get married, you can build fresh.
I was a mess and tried to hide it. Lying ended up costing me the first years of my marriage. If you’re engaged, don’t be me. Be someone honest, brave and hopefully a little taller. I think 5’7″ isn’t nearly enough height.