Stuff Christians Like

Getting awesome in a certain number of steps.

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We really like when getting awesome or fixing ourselves isn’t some long, drawn out process. Forget that, we want clear defined steps to reaching our goal. That’s why Joel Osteen has a book that promises “7 steps to living at your full potential ” and Creflo A Dollar has “8 steps to create the life you want” and Kerry Shook offers you “30 days to a no-regrets life.” It’s kind of biblical too because remember, when Christ met the disciples he said to them, “Come follow me and I will make you fishers of men in 12 easy steps.”

Why create “Stuff Christians Like?”

Thomas Kinkade

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Thomas Kinkade is known as “the painter of light” because he dabs little bits of light into his cottage themed artwork. And sometimes he dabs little crosses or messages that speak to us of the timeless beauty of both Christ and thatched roofs. So we love him. That’s why there are tons of Kinkade stores in malls across the country and more than 2,000 items for sale on Amazon.com. Do we mind that he doesn’t create the paintings himself anymore? Nah. Is it weird that a home developer built a Thomas Kinkade themed neighborhood? Nah. Should I quit writing, grow a wise looking beard and start painting? Probably.

Weird Memorabilia

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The other day I got a catalog from a Christian book store chain promoting their new Easter products. One of the items you could buy was a “crown of thorns.” For a mere $49.95 you could own a crown for your desk? Your mantle? Where do you properly store/display a crown of thorns? Do you think the Roman soldiers that made it at the time said to each other, “You know, some day this is going to make a really sweet paper weight.” But what can I say, when it comes to Easter and Christmas but shut your mouth not Halloween, we love us some weird memorabilia.

Comparing Braveheart to Christianity.

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We can’t help it. There just aren’t that many good Christian movies. So when Braveheart came out we were quick to compare Mel Gibson’s character to a Christian man. I counted 576 comparisons in John Eldridge’s work alone. OK I didn’t count that, but it was only because I was busy trying to explain to my wife why in order to rescue her I needed to own a sword.

Freeedddoommmm!!!!

Singing friends are friends forever at camp.

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There used to be an unwritten rule when it came to the last night of any Christian event: you must sing Michael W. Smith’s “Friends are friends forever.” For me, that meant a guy named Jaime would bust out the electric piano and belt out the song that had all of us a little teary eyed. It was the perfect way to say goodbye to all the new friends you’d made at Christian camp but would probably never see again. Take us out with the chorus Michael. Send us home happy:

Though it’s hard to let you go In the fathers hands we know That a lifetimes not too long to live as friends.

Stryper

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Sure, the world may have had Led Zeppelin and Ozzy and a whole host of hard rocking, hotel room destroying musicians at their disposal, but we Christians had Stryper. And when everyone else was enjoying their “devil music rock n’ roll” we could always find comfort and inspiration in the melodic stylings of “to hell with the devil” or the aptly named album, “yellow and black attack.” Admit it, you owned some Stryper.

Answers to the John Mayer Bible Quiz

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Here are the answers to the John Mayer Bible Quiz

1. Bible – Psalm 4:7
2. John Mayer
3. John Mayer
4. Bible – Psalm 10:14
5. John Mayer
6. John Mayer
7. Bible – psalm 6:6
8. John Mayer
9. John Mayer
10. John Mayer
11. Bible – Psalm 13:5
12. Bible – Psalm 14:3
13. John Mayer
14. Bible – Song of Solomon 2:16
15. John Mayer

Songs with bottomless lyrics.

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Have you ever gone to a church and sung one of those songs that feels like it has 984 lines? I have. We love to sing songs that the worship leader can stretch depending on how the “spirit is moving him.” Growing up, our church had one that went, “in our ______ Lord, be glorified.” In a heartbeat you could grow the song by saying, “in our home, in our church, in our schools, in our town, in our municipality, in our scooter riding cat owning club Lord, be glorified.” Good times.

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Bootleg cookies.

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If you ever went to Vacation Bible School then you know exactly what I’m talking about. For some reason, Christians love finding ways to save money on cookies. That’s why instead of Oreos you always had to eat “chocolate sandwiches” or some other cookie with a generic sounding name. And they aren’t the same. I know they told you that “jungle crackers” were the same as “animal crackers” but you knew the difference, you knew.

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Books with people on the cover.

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I almost didn’t read the book, “War & Peace” because a picture of Tolstoy wasn’t on the cover. But there’s no denying that when it comes to Christian books, we love seeing the author on the cover. Something about someone having really nice teeth and long fingers let’s us know the content is going to be solid and biblically sound. I wish I had longer fingers.