Guest Post

(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Guy Logan, a screenwriter in London. You can follow him on Twitter here or help him find a flatmate here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Trials and Tribulations of the Christian Wingman

On face value, it’s fair to say that being a Christian wingman should be one of the easiest jobs on earth, ranking somewhere between hotel critic and quality control for Skittles.

After all, there are nearly twice as many single women as single men at church–it’s akin to shooting fish in a barrel. With a shotgun. And the fish are Swedish.

Yep–on face value, Christian wingmanning is straight forward. 1) Help your brother pull the log out of his eye. 2) Assist in the Wife Candidate Selection Process. 3) Run interference on competitors. 4) Coach him during the turbulent dating process. 5) Provide ample High Five Support when he moves to “it’s serious.”

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Phillip Wilson. You can check out his blog here or follow him on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Top Ten Potluck Dishes to Avoid

Church potlucks are always dangerous territory. Dishes abound that are not for the faint of heart. There are concoctions that would scare the pink off a truckload of Pepto Bismol. We are talking about something you are going to PAY FOR in the morning…if you make it till morning. For those reasons, we have comprised a list of the top ten potluck dishes to avoid:

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Josh Daffern. You can check out his blog here or follow him on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Committee on Committee on Committees

Growing up Baptist, I was entranced by the abundance of committees that seemed to cover every facet of church life. A committee for flowers? Check. A hostess committee? Check. (Only later did I realize that this committee had nothing to do with my favorite brand of comfort foods). But one committee always intrigued me with its deeply authoritative and far-reaching title: the Committee on Committees.

This was the pinnacle! This was the magical-smoke-filled-back-room committee where the real power existed. Who wanted to be on something lame like the Properties Committee when you could be on the Committee on Committees? This committee was the supreme power, the Council of Elrond of Baptist churches.

As I grew a little older, my male aspirations of world domination played itself out in my Baptist world, and I created a new, fictitious, uber-powerful committee that would rule all committees: the Committee on Committee on Committees. This highly secretive committee would wield uncontrolled power to install puppet committees throughout the church.

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Drew Marshall. You can check out his blog here or follow him on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Coffee houses: Bars for Christians

As single Christians, we are told time and time again that, in order to meet our future husband/wife, we should scour the church, because that’s really the only place to find good spousal material. But finding your Boaz or Ruth can be tricky on Sunday mornings, especially since it’s a difficult transition from a sermon about Stephen’s martyrdom to “Hey, uh, can I get your number?” Singles groups can be nice, but the sheer awkwardness of such a forced environment isn’t exactly conducive to getting a date. So where else are Christians to turn? Luckily, there is a highly caffeinated haven for singles activity: the coffee house.

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper. You can check out his blog here. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

The Ultimate Church Potluck Menu

Something all Christians love to do is have a church potluck. It gives us a great opportunity to fellowship and do life together while sidehugging in our V-necks.

But do you ever feel though like we’re not always fulfilling our potluck potential? Is there a hole that two crock-pots of chili doesn’t seem to fill? That there’s got to be more to potluck life than just another spoonful of potato salad?

If so, here’s my guide to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu.

Appetizers
Chips & no salsa dancing
Omelet the children come to me
For my yolk is over-easy
Calimary
Mozzarella cheesus sticks
Soar on buffalo wings like eagles

Meat
Adam’s spare ribs
Lamb-entations
Blessed be your game
Like a beef in the night
BethleHam
Abrahamburgers
Rock of saus-ages
Pork (back)sliders
Elijah’s fire-roasted steaks
Deer Lord

Fish
Almighty cod
Amazing plaice
Salmon on the mount
It is well with my sole
Trout to the Lord

Side Dishes
Simon Pita bread
Teachers of the coles-law
Sanctifries
Gnocchi and the door will be opened to you
Stephen’s stoned-baked pizza
Tobymac n’ cheese
Soy to the world
Guacamole spirit
I will give you the quiche of the kingdom of heaven

Vegetables
Lettuce pray
Caesar Augustus salad
Peas on Earth
There’s no mushroom at the inn
Jonah and the kale
The gourd is my shepherd
Rahabenero peppers
Brussels sprouting Thomas
Shallot’s wife
Corn again

Desserts
How great’s thou tart
Pumpkin Pilate
Take this cupcake from me
Jars Of Creme Brulee
Ap-Paul pie
Leviticustard

Fruit
Passionfruit of the Christ
The Lord’s Pear
Fruit salad of the spirit
Walk on watermelon
Mango and make disciples of all nations

Beverages
TriniTea
Philemonade
Christal Light
Love your chardonneighbor

Items that didn’t quite make the (crinkle) cut
Abedn-Eggo’s waffles
Milky Way, the truth and the life
Land of milk and honey nut Cheerios
John The Baptist’s platter

Question: What other items would you add to the Ultimate Church Potluck Menu?

(For more great writing from Stephen, check out his blog.)

(Today is Guest Post Friday.  Here’s one from Kristin Weber, a comedian from Dallas. You can check out her website here or follow her on Twitter. If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Giving Christian Singles Awkward Advice

I’m single, in my late twenties, and live in the Bible Belt. Needless to say, I get some pretty spectacular advice both about being single and how to become unsingle. At this point, I almost want to stay single so I can keep getting new story material.

Here are my top five favorite bits of awkward advice I’ve received from kind, well-meaning church folk about my current “condition”:

1. “Let your heart marinate in the Word. That’s how God prepares you for marriage.”

Marriage sounds like a barbeque. Awesome.

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(It’s guest post Friday!  Here’s one from Tim Stewart.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Do you speak Christianese?

Brethren and sistren, how is your daily walk? How are your quiet times and devos? Remember that seven days without prayer makes one weak! For me, I’ve just been counting it all joy. I’m too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed. I hope you don’t think I’m superspiritual or that I’ve arrived. After all, I’m not perfect, just forgiven. Some people have accused me of being so heavenly-minded that I am no earthly good, but have patience with me please—God’s not finished with me yet!

Why just this morning I was sending God knee-mail and getting into the Word. I was reading the red letters and making sure that the gold was in my heart and not just on the gilt edges of my Bible. I gleaned some pearls and re-read my life verse.

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(It’s guest post Friday! Here’s one from Stephen Pepper.  You can check out his blog here.  If you want to write a guest post for SCL, here’s how!)

Christian Limericks

Throughout the Psalms, David exhorts us to sing a new song to the Lord. Have you ever noticed though how we never sing limericks in
church?

I thought I’d fix that, so here are 7 limericks that could be well suited to the Message Poetry Version (MPV) of the Bible:

There was a man in the wilderness called John
Who wasn’t sure Jesus was God’s son
He’d turned water into wine
And as a Baptist that wasn’t fine
So he was worried the Messiah was a con

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