prayer

I won’t ever win a humility contest. I don’t know if they have those, giving someone an award for being humble, probably defeats the purpose of humility. If they do though, please do not bet on me, I won’t even get an honorable mention.

I struggle with ego.

I recently realized it was my ego not my discipline driving my decision to blog daily.

So I wrote about the 3 signs your ego is making your decisions and I prayed about it.

I prayed that God would help me not be so entitled. That he would help me be humble. That he would help me learn humility.

And then a tiny voice inside said, “Do I have the freedom to teach you that in any way I deem best?”

I don’t know if that was God. There were no fireworks or tambourines, but I was convicted because I realized the answer was “no.”

I would prefer that God teaches me how to be humble through moments that are not humbling. I want to learn humility but not in ways that are unpleasant at all.

I want to learn generosity but without that whole hassle of actually giving anyone anything.

I want growth without discomfort, but that’s not how it works. Growth is always uncomfortable.

So this morning I laughed with God. And admitted my secret desires to him that were not so secret anyway. I remembered Garth Brooks and his song about how some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I remembered that God doesn’t answer prayer my way, he answers it his way which turns out is always better.

(Today is another great guest post from Gabriel Lytle! Check him out on Twitter too @gaberuski!)

If you’re not already cringing, then you may be what some would call a “sneaky snake.” (words chosen purposefully)

We’ve all been there.

They’ve just finished up weekly home group, the end draws near, the night is almost over and that can only mean one thing:

Time to pray. Out loud.

Your leader peers around the circle, and everyone is already saying a small prayer, “Please God, don’t pick me.”

One to play the Houdini card?

Here are 5 subtle moves to get out of dodge (Unless you’ve got Enoch-level clearance and can literally disappear):

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Want to be a better prayerer in 2013? That’s not even a word. Probably should learn that first.

Once you’ve got that done though, do this:

9 Prayer Tips:

1. Know that if you have an “unspoken prayer request,” people are going to assume porn.
Sorry, those are the rules. No one assumes you’re unspoken prayer request is about how much volunteer work you’re doing in the homeless community. We assume the worst.

2. Don’t disguise gossip as prayer.
If you pray for your neighbor, “Who recently cheated on her husband with that yoga instructor from Argentina,” you have not prayed. You have gossiped. Quit it.

3. Don’t be the prayer request whisperer.
Know why your prayers continue to go unanswered? Because you speak so softly that even God can’t hear them. (Not sure that’s theologically true, but it feels right.) Speak up when you make a prayer request.

4. Pray with a British accent.
Want that prayer heard? Use a British accent, even God prefers those.

5. Aim for as many “prayer grunts of affirmation” as you can get.
How else will you know the prayer has been effective? If you’ve got a better prayer score method, I am all ears. Especially if you are British.

6. Don’t say “let’s pray” when you mean “let’s make out.”
Maybe this is just for those college students out there, but stop doing this. You know this happens at Baptist colleges. I mean I never did that, but some sinners did. Stop.

7. Don’t make up a prayer request just because everyone else has one.
They’re not lollipops. It’s OK for you not to have one. I promise.

8. Always have background music.
You might have to carry a portable Bluetooth stereo or your iPhone for smaller prayer moments, but trust me, this is key. When people start praying, gently Tomlin that scene.

9. Know which meals to pray before.
Don’t lose your cool in a restaurant. Know if you should pray before or after queso. These things matter.

A 9 item list is lame. You can sense the lameness radiating off this post.

We need one more item.

What prayer tip would you add to this list?

Pray.

There it is, a secret we Christians have been holding on to for years. If you ever want to get a waiter or a waitress to come over to your table, just start praying.

The second you bow your head, they will appear at your table. The moment your eyes close, they will materialize at your side.

Need a refill on the water? Start praying.

Need more rolls? Start praying.

Need a different salt shaker because your kid licked the top of the one at your table? OK, probably just my family.

With a prayer interrupting radar that is more highly tuned than my ability to tell the difference between Polo shirts and the ones I wore as a kid (Knights of the Round Table), waiters will arrive.

Secret is out.

You’re welcome.

Last Monday morning, I had a meeting scheduled at 11:30AM to discuss the title of my new book with Dave Ramsey. He’s sold millions of books and written a couple of New York Time’s Bestsellers. I was eager for his advice.

The weekend before, I practiced my ten-minute, “Here is why this title is the best one,” monologue like it was a speech. I sat down in our spare bedroom, because I knew I’d be sitting in the meeting and recreated the meeting as closely as possible. (I am wicked weird.)

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